Sunday, May 11

some thoughts on the motherhood

so, i have been thinking a lot lately about what makes a good mom. i have caught myself at times not being quite the mom that i want to be and it bums me out. if there is anything (other than being the worlds best wife) that i really want to be, it's a good mom.

these days i am always on the look out, observing what qualities i can borrow from other moms that will help me be a better one myself, because having been a mother for a mere 2 1/2 years, i am such a novice. there are so many books, magazines, blogs, and internet sites that will tell you how to be a great mom. last mother's day at church i heard one of the best talks on motherhood. although i didn't get to hear all of it- i think velzy might have thrown up that day- one thing has really stuck with me. she said she always hated mothers day and she never felt good about her own mothering- until she got rid of all the parenting magazines and books and just did things her own way. when she stopped comparing herself to what the experts or what others said, and found what what worked for her, she felt like a good mom. i love this. everyone is unique, and this carries over to we parent. comparing ourselves is one of the worst things we can do as mothers to make us feel inadequate. it's hard not to do, granted, every where you look there are people who appear to have it all together and it's hard not to compare yourself. but everyone has strengths that help make them a good parent. when we take the time to figure out our strengths and go from there, i think it makes parenting a whole lot better. i know what my weaknesses are (i will spare you the details) but i am also trying to figure out my strengths. example: i love to be outdoors, and i am trying to capitalize on this strength as a mother. i mean i live in hawaii so i have no excuse to stay inside which is great because i love nature and it's hard for me to sit inside. so, i am trying to teach my girls about nature and the beauty of the earth and the good that fresh air will do you. and the fact that velzy loves to watch movies so much makes me want to stay outside and away from a television. i will let you know when i figure out if i have any other strengths.

being a mom is rad, it is amazing how much love a person is capable of having for their child. velzy and ivy are the sources of so much laughter and joy. ah, i can't even think of what life would be like without them. but, being a mom is also hard. it is not monumentally hard things, but it's constant small things. it is the fact that you are at home, and there are things that you feel like you need to do, or things that you would really like to do, but you do other things for little people that can't do them themselves- it's that whole becoming totally unselfish thing. and this is not complaining, it's just the job description. sometimes i catch myself just going through the motions till nap time when i have a few minutes to myself. reading elder Ballard's talk "Daughters of God" i read something that really hit home (actually there was a lot that hit home and i think i should read this every night before bed to recharge) but i really really like this:

Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less”

i want to always live in the moment. i might have a sink full of dishes and some dusting that needs to be done (and i usually do), but i want to always take advantage of the time that i have with my kiddies.

i just totally lost my train of thought, so i guess i need to stop writing...but i have to say happy mothers day to my mom
and all the moms out there who i look to for examples. thanks for everything.

16 comments:

Missy said...

This quote was read in church today. I love it too and I love the idea of the whole moment being about the child when they are awake and planning things to do with/for them. Of course there are the necessary "to do's" too, but I love what you have to say about just leaving it sometimes.

Mahina said...

i love that quote! i need to do this each day! i always feel like i am trying to rush off to the next thing and then i don't enjoy the moment i am in with my kids! thanks for sharing your thoughts!

happy mother's day!

lauren said...

profound. no i really like to live in the moment and let the dishes wait.in fact i think i use that excuse everyday =) no but really i red somewhere that at the end of the day it isnt all about how clean your house is, its about how much quality time you spent with your children, and i remind myself of this daily. your a rad mom, and probably because your moms rad. miss you.

heidi said...

cheers to that--i loved that talk...super pump up for wanting to be a better mom. thanks for the reminder! loved the camo octo.

Kristen said...

I love it. I hate comparing myself to other moms...cuz then I feel like I suck, soooo.... I like thinking that my kids were sent to me because "my way" (uh, the Lord's way thru me?) and not what the books say is what's best for my kids... and then I don't feel so bad! Cheers to the quote. Live in the moment, amen. Happy Mother's Day, Ash. :)

Jill said...

Ashley, so fun to link over to your blog and see your cute family. Looks like you and Luke are living it up in Hawaii, so jealous. Enjoy the waves for me! I don't even know where to begin with this whole mom thing. But I'll know soon enough. Aloha.

The Trotter Family said...

I only read the first part of this blog because being as hormonal as I am at this point, I knew I would just cry through the rest. I got a lot of e-mails where I could only read the first line or two and had to quit. I am such a baby! Happy Mother's Day and don't think you don't live in the moment, your girls are so lucky to have a mommy that takes them everywhere and has so many family members involved in their lives!

Jennelle said...

I love your post! I am not a mom yet (well, I am to 119 byu-h girls) but I always think about the kind of mom I want to be when the time comes. Someone made the comment in church a few weeks ago that I really liked, it kinda goes along with what you said about not comparing yourself with others. She said," There is no such thing as a Super Mom, as much as you may want to be one. When you look at others and think they must have it all figure out...they don't. Everyone struggles with different things and the only thing you should be is YOU and never compare yourself with others or run faster than you can." I think you’re a great mom…(from what I can tell from your blog). I think you have more strengths than you give yourself credit for.

Katie said...

I LOVED reading this post Ashley! It totally made me reflect about being a mom and how I can improve. SO true about needing to live in the moment, although sometimes I think my husband wishes I would do less of that and more around the house, LOL! Mia loves movies and TV too, so its a constant struggle for me to keep her busy with other things. I live in PR, but unfortunately inland!

Da Denninghoff's said...

Amen, Amen, Amen sistah! So funny, I just read that talk yesterday to remember what Elder Ballard said, and that's the EXACT quote that stood out to me! Thank you for your powerful words, so true and I love you:)

Smiths said...

...and you're a great mom that i learn so much from. Thank you for that, but also for reminding us that we are diferent, with diferent kids, with diferent ways of staying sane, yet all with messy houses:). I've come to think that messes are a sign of a great mom.

tonya said...

Ash, this is a great post. You have no idea how hard this talk hit me. I am such a "rusher", hurry, we have to do this, we have to go here, we have to get this done, etc. I am really trying hard to live in the moment, and let my kids just explore the world.

You are a great Mama!

Brooke & Aaron said...

Thanks for putting it into perspective. We are so blessed to be mothers. I usually learn more FROM my children than they learn from ME. In that same talk by Ballard, he says, "What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply, and in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else....focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life...[these first 18 years spent at home are] the most formative time of all. I love how much time you spend outside with your girls teaching them about the world around them. They are making memories with you now that they'll cherish for the rest of their life.

Lacey said...

great insight! i agree i need to do what i can and not worry about what i'm not doing! wish i could make the beach party, maybe i'll go here and throw a bottle in the water for you guys to find!!!

Lacey said...

great insight! i agree i need to do what i can and not worry about what i'm not doing! wish i could make the beach party, maybe i'll go here and throw a bottle in the water for you guys to find!!!

Jessica Brown said...

Thanks for the reminder. IT s so true that we have to figure out how to do mothering our own way. All the books and magazines mean nothing. They really do.