some thoughts on the motherhood

so, i have been thinking a lot lately about what makes a good mom. i have caught myself at times not being quite the mom that i want to be and it bums me out. if there is anything (other than being the worlds best wife) that i really want to be, it's a good mom.

these days i am always on the look out, observing what qualities i can borrow from other moms that will help me be a better one myself, because having been a mother for a mere 2 1/2 years, i am such a novice. there are so many books, magazines, blogs, and internet sites that will tell you how to be a great mom. last mother's day at church i heard one of the best talks on motherhood. although i didn't get to hear all of it- i think velzy might have thrown up that day- one thing has really stuck with me. she said she always hated mothers day and she never felt good about her own mothering- until she got rid of all the parenting magazines and books and just did things her own way. when she stopped comparing herself to what the experts or what others said, and found what what worked for her, she felt like a good mom. i love this. everyone is unique, and this carries over to we parent. comparing ourselves is one of the worst things we can do as mothers to make us feel inadequate. it's hard not to do, granted, every where you look there are people who appear to have it all together and it's hard not to compare yourself. but everyone has strengths that help make them a good parent. when we take the time to figure out our strengths and go from there, i think it makes parenting a whole lot better. i know what my weaknesses are (i will spare you the details) but i am also trying to figure out my strengths. example: i love to be outdoors, and i am trying to capitalize on this strength as a mother. i mean i live in hawaii so i have no excuse to stay inside which is great because i love nature and it's hard for me to sit inside. so, i am trying to teach my girls about nature and the beauty of the earth and the good that fresh air will do you. and the fact that velzy loves to watch movies so much makes me want to stay outside and away from a television. i will let you know when i figure out if i have any other strengths.

being a mom is rad, it is amazing how much love a person is capable of having for their child. velzy and ivy are the sources of so much laughter and joy. ah, i can't even think of what life would be like without them. but, being a mom is also hard. it is not monumentally hard things, but it's constant small things. it is the fact that you are at home, and there are things that you feel like you need to do, or things that you would really like to do, but you do other things for little people that can't do them themselves- it's that whole becoming totally unselfish thing. and this is not complaining, it's just the job description. sometimes i catch myself just going through the motions till nap time when i have a few minutes to myself. reading elder Ballard's talk "Daughters of God" i read something that really hit home (actually there was a lot that hit home and i think i should read this every night before bed to recharge) but i really really like this:

Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less”

i want to always live in the moment. i might have a sink full of dishes and some dusting that needs to be done (and i usually do), but i want to always take advantage of the time that i have with my kiddies.

i just totally lost my train of thought, so i guess i need to stop writing...but i have to say happy mothers day to my mom and all the moms out there who i look to for examples. thanks for everything.